New Cinemasochist Theme

by Supergenius

Wow, guys, how did we miss this topic before? MARTIAL ARTS. And I’ll say it right now, this movie, Undefeatable, is the front-runner, despite what you Gymkata and Surf Ninjas fans say.

So, what are the worst Martial Arts films available on Netflix?

30 Comments

  1. I think you have to watch Undefeatable. I don’t see how you could justify anything else after an intro like that.

    Comment by a random John — July 20, 2007 @ 11:30 am

  2. Holy crap.

    Comment by Geoff J — July 20, 2007 @ 11:32 am

  3. Alas, Undefeatable is not available on Netflix. Back to the drawing board!

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 11:34 am

  4. It’s on Ebay. You jerks buy it for me, I’ll watch it.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 11:39 am

  5. Kung Pao: Enter the Fist

    One of the 3 Ninjas sequels

    Miss Congeniality

    Comment by John C. — July 20, 2007 @ 11:43 am

  6. The “Watch Now” section of Netflix is chock full of crap:

    Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape!     (2005)
    Bad Movie Police Case #2: Chickboxer (2003)
    Redemption: Kickboxer 5 (1995)
    American Ninja 4 & 5 (1900 & 1993)
    Lethal Ninja (1993)

    Comment by J. Stapley — July 20, 2007 @ 11:46 am

  7. I was thinking maybe Bloodfist 7: The Manhunt.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 11:47 am

  8. This seems like a good opportunity to relate one of my favorite radio bloopers. A rather inept DJ was reading an ad for a kung fu movie and delivered one line as “See them perform exiting marital arts.”

    Lotsa those on Netflix. Bad ones too.

    Comment by Last Lemming — July 20, 2007 @ 11:50 am

  9. My vote is for “3 Ninjas Kick Back”. This combines the drudgery of a martial arts flick with a bad kids flick AND it is a bad sequel to a not-quite-as-bad original. I had a hard time finding the title, because I thought the grandfather was played by Pat Morita, but it appears an imitation was used instead.

    Comment by cantinflas — July 20, 2007 @ 11:56 am

  10. Wow, I haven’t thought about Gymkata since I saw a small section of it years ago on like TNT or TBS. Wow.

    Comment by Sam B — July 20, 2007 @ 11:59 am

  11. I was hoping you’d do this category because of Gymkata. Really, guys. It’s truly terrible. Unintentional comedy to the max. I implore you.

    It stars a former US gymnastics champion. In onoe scene he’s running from the bad guys down an alley, when, as luck would have it, there happens to be a high bar connected to the two buildings. He jumps up, does a few flips and knocks the bad guys out.

    I won’t mention the hilarious scene with a well-placed pommel horse. And this is supposed to be a serious movie–based on a book no less.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn2S1W6Xz-o

    Comment by Tim J — July 20, 2007 @ 1:29 pm

  12. I vote for Gymkata. The movie singlehandedly killed Parmistan’s tourism industry.

    Comment by Justin — July 20, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

  13. Gang, Gymkata is good but watch the clip of Undefeatable.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 1:49 pm

  14. Re: #8 - is that supposed to be two typos?

    I second Kung Pow - amusing, but fairly awful.

    How about the NEXT Karate Kid? Pre-fame Hillary Swank!

    Comment by FHL — July 20, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

  15. Street Fighter is another. But I think we should reserve that for a the “Worst Movie Based on a Video Game” category.

    Comment by Tim J — July 20, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

  16. SG, have you actually seen Undefeatable before? Or just that clip…which is jaw-droppingly awesome!

    Comment by Tim J — July 20, 2007 @ 1:57 pm

  17. Tim, all I’ve seen is the clip.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

  18. Someone made a youtube fanvid of Undefeatable. We mat need to get this for SG, though I would still love to see a review of Gymkata.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=webUKh8DtWg

    Comment by Tim J — July 20, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

  19. That clip is the most awesome thing I have ever seen. The meat hook in the eye socket, the woman doing backflips with her arm in a cast and sling, the sloMo slug to the face that causes the guy to lose about a quart of drool from the other side of his mouth - now that’s entertainment!

    Apologies in advance if that spoils the plot for any of you.

    Comment by Mark IV — July 20, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

  20. “we’ll keep an eye out for you, Stingray!”

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

  21. I really should post more clips of the movies you jerks have made me watch. They’re ALL like this, people.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 20, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

  22. Not Kung Pow. This is Cinemasochist so we need a bad movie. Kung Pow rules!

    Comment by Geoff J — July 20, 2007 @ 2:48 pm

  23. just make sure there are no meat hooks around while you’re watching undefeatable or you may be tempted to “stingray” yourself. see you around.

    Comment by mike d. — July 21, 2007 @ 8:59 am

  24. I need more votes, people. All I have so far is Undefeatable and Gymkata. Any more?

    Comment by Supergenius — July 23, 2007 @ 10:30 am

  25. Surf Ninjas
    Any of the 3 Ninjas movies.
    Mortal Kombat:Annihilation
    Knock Off (Or any other post-1997 Van Damme movie)

    Comment by Tim J — July 23, 2007 @ 10:49 am

  26. Dude, I liked MK: Annihilation!

    Van Damme…… guh.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 23, 2007 @ 10:58 am

  27. Coming from someone who liked Crossroads, I can’t say I’m surprised.

    We do need to have a Worst Video Game Movie, though. I see Super Mario Bros. in your near future.

    Comment by Tim J — July 23, 2007 @ 12:15 pm

  28. Tim, I already saw the worst video game movie ever made.

    Comment by Supergenius — July 23, 2007 @ 12:26 pm

  29. Forgot about that one. That was bad.

    Comment by Tim J — July 23, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

  30. Aren’t there dozens of terrible Steven Segal movies? I don’t know any titles and I don’t know which are the most painfully bad, but there’s gotta be one that would give the cinemasochist the pain he so craves.

    Comment by Tom — July 23, 2007 @ 1:05 pm