Cinemasochist Review: Crossroads
This will be the most brief of my reviews. It won’t be as brief as the review of Spinal Tap’s “Shark Sandwich,” but close.
It’s a boring coming-of-age story. Britney is a nerd, living in the South. Dan Ackroyd plays Britney’s dad, her mom left a long time ago for Arizona. Britney has one friend who’s pregnant and wants to audition for American Idol or something in California. Her other friend is a stuck-up princess with a boyfriend in California. Road trip, everyone! They find a scruffy-looking nerf-herder to drive them across the country, setting up the scoundrel as Brit’s love interest.
The rest of the movie is entirely predictable. Karaoke plays a prominent role, unfortunately. There are complications with the baby. The scoundrel with a dangerous past has a heart of gold.
Look, the movie sucked, don’t get me wrong. It just didn’t suck THAT BAD, except when Britney was singing. The entire movie was a showcase vehicle for her song, “Not a girl…not yet a woman,” which is a ridiculous and hateful song in the first place. But honestly — this is the best (read: least horrible) of the cinemasochist movies thus far. I laugh at you, readers. Is this the worst you can do?
I forgot to mention — the movie is actually pretty enjoyable when Britney meets her mom (played by Kim Catrall). Her mom totally hates her and never wants to see her again. It just rang true to my heart.
Comment by Supergenius — June 12, 2007 @ 9:57 am
SG liked Crossroads! You’ll never live this down.
Comment by Susan M — June 12, 2007 @ 10:00 am
Revelation 3:16 came to mind with this one.
Comment by Supergenius — June 12, 2007 @ 10:01 am
Yeah. I think SG’s movie cred just took a serious hit.
Sooo, what’s the next category?
Comment by Tim J — June 12, 2007 @ 10:38 am
I blame the voters! You all screwed up. Morons, I tell you! Morons!
Comment by a random John — June 12, 2007 @ 10:49 am
No way Tim — it takes a confident SuperGenius to admit that a Britney Spears movie only mostly sucked.
But Susan is right — it will be fun to accuse him of being a Britney fan for the next several years…
Comment by Geoff J — June 12, 2007 @ 10:51 am
Oops, we did it again. I think a better topic is needed for the next exercise. It’s pretty hard to make a chick flick that is as gutt- wrenchingly horrible as SG is accustomed to.
Comment by John Scherer — June 12, 2007 @ 11:05 am
My stomach is cast-iron like a billy goat’s. I can handle the Britney movies.
Comment by Supergenius — June 12, 2007 @ 11:16 am
I think the whole problem was the elimination of From Justin to Kelly from the voting pool. We never recovered our equilibrium after taking that blow.
Comment by RoastedTomatoes — June 12, 2007 @ 11:36 am
Absolutely, RT.
SG consistently manipulates the voting process by claiming certain films are not in certain categories. If you look at the thread, you’ll see that he cleverly led us into selecting CROSSROADS solely so he get his Britney fix.
Sick, really.
Comment by Brian G — June 12, 2007 @ 11:48 am