I went looking for more bad Christmas music, but after a while I gave that up and just decided to put these two up.  They aren’t really terrible, they’re just really, really not that good.

Xtina’s Xmas – Christina Aguilera

What is there to say about this?  It is filler from her Christmas album.  It barely has lyrics, which is good because the vocals are intermittent.  It is faux-edgy and faux-hip hip.  I don’t understand what possessed this young woman to put this recording on an album, but she did, so here it is.

Little Drummer Boy – 98 Degrees

Hey, let’s take a third tier boy band, give them tranquilizers, and then record a Christmas album.  Nick Lachey and crew seemingly sleepwalked their way through their Christmas CD and this song is typical.  Note that the instrumentation at the beginning is reminiscent of the infinitely superior Bing Crosby/David Bowie version.  It is as if the producers wanted to remind you of what you could be listening to instead of this.

Finally, I don’t want you guys to get too excited, but I will post my all-time favorite bad Christmas song tomorrow.  In my opinion, it tops all of these.  I love it to bits, but it is bad, bad, bad.  Feel free to guess what it is (unless you are Supergenius, Ronan, or someone else who already knows).  A legitimate correct answer will earn…um…bragging rights and a genuine, oddball Christmas mix-cd from me (which will feature none of the bad music entries).

Is it wrong to crush the dreams of a child?  To mock the innocent?  To laugh at the failures of the young?  Then I am wrong…

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth – The Countdown Kids

It’s not that I hate children.  I have two and they are a lot of fun to be around.  What I do hate is the exploitation of children and, even worse, the exploitation of children to make bad music.  Sure there is a cute factor, but little children singing are like little puppies pooping in your shoes; it is only cute when it is your child/dog.  But the producers of this particular version of this song have forgotten what it is that makes this novelty work: the child is supposed to lisp.  The child who sings this version doesn’t lisp, they instead have trouble pronouncing their el’s.  Typical of children, especially when those children have been told to sing like babies, but it ruins the joke.  So, the producers took a funny song and tried to make it into a cute song and the end result is a bad song.  I formally apologize for bringing it up.

Sob.

The next Cinemasochist theme: Santa.

yo-ho-oh-lord-no. What’s the worst movie with Santa?

I’ve spliced together clips of songs to see how many you can all identify. This week’s clips are all songs by Irish artists. A few of these are rather obscure and might be a little tough.

I’ll give you a day or two to make your guesses, then I’ll post the answers. There are clips from 12 songs this time.

Feel free to list other Irish artists I may have left off, curious if you guys can think of any I forgot.

Song clips are in the radio.blog: “Name These Irish Songs”

NOTE: You might want to listen and make your guesses before reading the comments, or other people’s guesses might spoil your fun.

UPDATE: I’ll paste the answers in down below. If you haven’t had a chance to make your guesses, don’t click on the “more” link until you have!
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1) Snickers
2) Butterfinger
3) Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
4) Twix
5) SKOR

O Holy Night – Prism

In so far as I can figure it out, Prism is a Canadian Christian band. As such, I personally hold Supergenius responsible for this travesty. However, one cannot say that purchasers of Prism’s album, Green, were fooled by clever marketing ploys. Take a look at the cover and tell me if you don’t agree that they sound exactly how you would expect them to.
When I was a bit younger, I used to joke with my friends that I was the whitest boy in America, because I could take any soul or hip hop song and make it white. I must now concede my title to the people at Prism who took a Christmas hymn and tried to make it hip by giving it a reggae beat. As a result, they somehow made it whiter. Once again, I firmly blame this on Canada. Don “No Soul” Simmons couldn’t have done better.

Writing this in REAL TIME, people!

NBC says:

As the clock turns back six months for all of the “Heroes,” Mohinder’s father Chandra Suresh (guest star Erick Avari) arrives in New York to begin his quest to find individuals with extraordinary abilities, and meets someone all to eager to be special. Peter celebrates his graduation from nursing school, and learns that Nathan plans to prosecute a case that could mean trouble for the entire Petrelli family. A surprise visit from her father brings out the worst in Niki. Hiro attempts to be a hero and change the future for someone important. Claire joins the cheerleading squad and makes a curious discovery. H.R.G. and the Haitian meet someone special.

INteresting! I sure like that waitress, I hope he saves her. (more…)

This week, I’m doing a series on bad Christmas music. Why? I’m not sure myself. Perhaps it is the fact that a local radio station began playing non-stop Christmas music on Halloween. One can’t do that without using a lot of bad Christmas music.

In fact, bad Christmas music is so ubiquitous that many people have been turned off of Christmas music entirely. This is a bad, bad thing. Christmas music should be taken in small doses, but it can be wonderful (I may do a good Christmas music series next week to try and prove my point). In any case, I want to purge the bad Christmas music feelings early. (more…)

What would it be?
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Time to exorcise those demons of unthankfulness so that tomorrow we can concentrate on giving thanks.  You know there are those pop cultural hitches in your giddy-up, sticks in your craw, gypsies in the grill of your Hummer, etc. that are bringing you down.  So let’s have ‘em.  Demons out!

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I’ve spliced together clips of songs to see how many you can all identify. This week’s clips are all songs by Irish artists. A few of these are rather obscure and might be a little tough.

I’ll give you a day or two to make your guesses, then I’ll post the answers. There are clips from 12 songs this time.

Feel free to list other Irish artists I may have left off, curious if you guys can think of any I forgot.

Song clips are in the radio.blog: “Name These Irish Songs”

NOTE: You might want to listen and make your guesses before reading the comments, or other people’s guesses might spoil your fun.

UPDATE: I’ll paste the answers in down below. If you haven’t had a chance to make your guesses, don’t click on the “more” link until you have!
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1) Disarm – Siamese Dream
2) Here Is No Why – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness: Dawn to Dusk
3) Rhinoceros – Gish
4) Purr Snickety – Cherub Rock Single – 7″ vinyl
5) Thru the Eyes of Ruby – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness: Twilight to Starlight

Runner up: Medellia of the Gray Skies – B-side from the Tonight, Tonight single.

NOTE: These are not my opinions, rather those of my brother-in-law who I consider THE Smashing Pumpkins authority. Here’s what he said about the exercise: “I picked 5 songs that are representative of the bands versitility, compositional prowess, creativity and sheer rock power…I feel that it’s a fairly representative sampling.”

Yahoo TV: “Claire’s homecoming celebration becomes a frightening night for many; Hiro travels back in time to right a wrong; Suresh continues to experience strange dreams while in India.”

Ok, so I’m watching this as I go along — so far, so good. I’ll update the post as I go, but feel free to beat me to the punch in the comments (Clark, I’m looking at you). Spoilers below the fold. (more…)

Both the PS3 and Nintendo Wii were released this last weekend. Sony, not understanding the law of supply and demand, shipped around 400,000 PS3 units to the United States. By now most of us are pretty familiar with what ensued (weeks in line, shootings, fights, $10,000 bidding on eBay, etc.) For a pretty good round-up of the ridiculousness see here, here and here. On the other hand, NIntendo shipped around 4,000,000 Wii units to the U.S. and peace has prevailed. (more…)

We’ve decided to launch, in addition to our Lost recaps by the eminent BTD Greg, a Heroes general gabfest each Tuesday following the Monday episodes. (more…)

Two obvious facts:

1. I’m a Sufjan Stevens fan.
2. Sufjan Stevens completely rules. (more…)

Can you guess which are bands, and which are albums?

Camarosmith (say this one out loud if you don’t get it)
Ultramega OK
…And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead
Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her
Space Dream Bathroom
Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight
These Arms are Snakes
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
Planes Mistaken For Stars
Rocket From the Crypt
Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear
Once We Were Trees
Music Has the Right to Children
The Noise Made By People
Explosions in the Sky
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
Earthlings?
Man or Astroman?
…And the Circus Leaves Town
When the Kite String Pops
Biblical Proof of UFO’s
Mary’s Danish
One Step More and You Die
Red House Painters
Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
Shudder to Think
Trans Am
Run to the Light
Fall of the Bastards
Fireballs of Freedom
Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like a Peasant
God’s Iron Tooth
Bundle of Hiss

It’s an embarrassing story, but one that may help you understand why I’m starting this three-part Jazz for Kulturbloggers series like this.

In 7th grade, I started playing in my school’s jazz band. Growing up on my dad’s Beach Boys and Hank Williams, Jr. (he’d thrown away his Doors and Hendrix before I was born), I didn’t know what jazz was. As I became curious, I decided to ask my saxophone teacher for an introduction to jazz. You know, what I should listen to. His recommendation?
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It was a nightmare. Blood, corpses, the stench of the dead everywhere.

And then I watched the movie. (more…)

A classic. Happy Friday.

I have a thing for making mix cds. I make myself mixes all the time. I make other people mixes all the time. I trade mixes with people all the time. It’s almost like an illness.

But between all the mixes I’ve made, and all the mixes I’ve heard that other people have given me, I’ve learned a lot about making a good mix cd.
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Enough talk about the Democrats taking Congress and Britney dumping K-Fed. Let’s get back to what really matters: LOST.

Spoilers and such about the “fall finale” after the jump.
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Amen to the NY Times. Gilmore Girls is officially off the tivo. Way to screw it up, CW.

Some of the greatest stories ever told are songs. The great thing about musical narrative is the added dimensions that the accompaniment and vocal performance bring to the story. The range of emotions and intensity of feeling that these elements bring are enormous relative to what words alone can convey. A merely sad story can become devastating when accompanied by sad piano chords. A sunny hook can brighten the mood instantly. A thunderous guitar riff can put the fear of the devil in you. And a great vocal performance can touch your soul.

As with the last KB panel post, several people were asked to share a favorite narrative song. The responses are posted below and the songs are in the radio.blog. (more…)

1) The Far Side
2) Calvin and Hobbes
3) Get Your War On
4) Boondocks
5) Dilbert